Ever since I was a little girl I have loved to dance. From dancing around the bedroom whilst singing into my hairbrush, to yearly dance shows with my old dance school and back to dancing around the house in between the cleaning of the bedrooms. I just love to dance.
My problem, is that for some years now, I haven’t really enjoyed dancing at parties or in public events of any kind. I think most people who know me, even those that know me extremely well, assume that I’m quite a confident woman. This isn’t wrong, I am at face value, fairly confident. I believe if you walk into a room with your head held high and a beaming smile on your face, then confidence and a certain level of self-appreciation will be present.
We do all however, have things that we don’t feel comfortable with, so the last thing you want, is someone pointing out the obvious insecurity, especially when you had no idea that it was obvious!
Just over a year ago, a friend of mine not only made an issue of the fact that I don’t get up and dance in public by pointing it out to me. She also made her Husband aware of it and several people who I work with. So at our christmas party last year, when I really would like to have put on my dancing shoes for a little boogie, I was so aware of the eyes around me that I sat for most of the evening, yet again, watching everyone else having a ball.
New years eve 2015, I did get up and dance as I realised that apart from the offending friend, no one else was paying attention to whether I was on my feet or glued firmly to my chair, while she was actually in a bit of a mood, so she was the one who was rooted to the seat.
All of this was forgotten until Christmas day this year when my niece asked me to dance. This time, instead of just keeping quiet to save my embarrassment, she persisted in telling everyone that ‘I don’t dance as I have no co-ordination!’ I was secretly seething and rather offended at this as A, It’s not true and B, why? why would you say this about somebody you are supposed to care about, whilst laughing, in front of my entire family? I could have been really bitter here and retaliated by saying that actually I think she could take a look in the mirror the next time she dances to see which one struggles with coördination. Instead, I simply pointed out that actually, I do dance, as I did at last New Years Eve while she sat on her bum. But secretly, I was mortified and, I add, rather annoyed.
I was brought up to respect people’s feelings, not to point out their insecurities to everybody within earshot. Theres nothing worse than being under the spotlight with a banner quoting your biggest fear written above your head!
I will still enjoy this New Years Eve’s party and yes, I will probably stay firmly seated in my chair. The reason for my little rant is that I simply just wanted to get it off my chest…
… writing really is the best therapy. Have a great New Year Everyone, whether you decide to sit, dance, crawl or just spend the New year tucked up in bed. x